I saw the most picturesque sunset last night while driving. Truly, as my mother and I were speaking through the speaker phone, I stopped the conversation in awe of the sight ahead of me. I wanted to pull over, sit on my car and gaze in amazement with no other distractions at the lush greenery of the fields, the outlined mountains in the distance, and the gorgeous orange hue of the sun lighting it all for a little while longer. Of course, there was no where to pull off the road…but in those slow, few moments, I took in the beauty that surrounds me daily as I often do here in gorgeous western New England.

Before bed, I took several moments to pour out my heart of all its confusing hopes and fears to my Great God in prayer. Well, I suppose I will call it prayer, maybe even a repentance of sorts, because it all suddenly came to me in a flooded rush of tears that took me by surprise. Really, my heart is simply overflowing after the last three weeks of being fully engaged in my daily life without the distraction and stress of graduate coursework. Honestly, being present in life with people we encounter daily and our surroundings is a wonderful challenge. But it is a challenge. A challenge in that as pleasant as all those encounters can be, there is an exhaustion that comes from full engagement. Recently, many encounters have left me with a desire for more and frustratingly no idea how to express any of it in words!

I am reminded of the Breathe: Making Room for Sabbath bible study I went through a year ago, and I am realizing that I have not been leaving much room for ceasing; resting in the presence of my God and trusting all my cares (hopes and wants) to Him. On page 44 of the study, I look back to a section I’ve underlined as a reminder of what the Sabbath really is and when God gave it to His people after bringing them out of slavery in Egypt:

The Israelites had never developed the discipline of declining. They had been trained to always acquiesce and comply. But now, the Sabbath would help them remember they were free. Free to say “no.” Free to rest. Free to no longer be controlled by that which they were previously mastered. Free to enjoy their relationship with Yahweh. -Priscilla Shirer, Breathe

Working with students daily through a boarding school, I recognize that I have little discipline to decline their invitations. I am so honored that my students would want to spend time with me that I often cannot say “no.” I cannot say no to “just one more ball” on the tennis court after practice, or one more milkshake at the ice cream drive-in that is within walking distance of the school (God, help me with this for many reasons!), or turn down a face that lights up at the fact that I’m willing to play 2 on 2 basketball when I’m no good at basketball. And as much joy as I receive out of all of that, it can quickly deplete my emotional energy when I’ve not been plugging into God daily for His Sabbath rest. Yet another reminder to me to take back my habit of studying the word in the morning…

So, I awake today, thankful for another day to witness and appreciate exactly where I am in life right now. Because, for the first time in many years, I am not looking to be anywhere else. I sense great new challenges on the horizon for me that only time will tell. I am thankful for the moments that brought me to my knees in prayer in the earliest of the morning before I layed my head to rest. I am thankful for the songs that are on my heart each morning for they are magically the words I need to hear when I rise. And though I have more work to do today; though I’ve been going on ten days in a row with no real freedom from obligation, I know that I’ll have the energy and enthusiasm to make it one more day.

In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Pslam 5:3