As I opened up my blog in late July, after two years of total written silence, I have seven additional drafts now waiting for me. I am positively beaming with gratefulness! I’ve already published multiple poems and two blogs posts here in a little over a month. Likely, I will be setting a record this year with my blogging. It has been cathartic, energizing, and humbling to find that people are reading, liking, and even following my blogs each time I post. I had forgotten how important sharing our stories with others can be for our souls; that community with others is a command – not simply a nice ideal. Real community with others also isn’t easy; however, living solitary serves no purpose in helping to love our neighbors in the world around us.

Five of the drafts waiting, I started over the last month, all stemming off one another in a series that I think I am going to label “relationship.” Stay tuned for those posts as they are still coming together. When they are done, I will link them back through here. Three of the drafts were from years ago when I first moved to MA as a grad student. I considered deleting without even reading, thinking of leaving the past in the past as if it had no use. I am glad that I chose to read those drafts before deleting.

Almost exactly three years ago when I started my journey in the Northeast full-time, this Fueled by Fire titled post is what I wrote below, unedited.

*September 2015* 

Graduate school.  Yep.  I have landed myself in the Northeast at an amazing College in hopes of receiving my Masters Degree in Physical Education, so that I can begin to teach/coach for life.

I am eight days in to my first year and already behind in the three classes I am taking…  To say I have been overwhelmed would be an understatement.  I’ve been fortunate to be accepted with respect and enthusiasm as an official volunteer assistant coach for the women’s tennis team here at SC.  While I have loved every minute of it, the trade off is that I’ve yet to find a job on campus with a stable income.  When the end of this month hits, that will be another bridge of uncertainty to cross.  One would think I have gotten better at this in the last five years, with this being my third major life-move. Given my current remedial learning curve, I am rather sure I won’t have time for anything off campus.

And while this is now my third major move in five years, (spanning from TX to MA), the emotional stress hit me harder than I anticipated.  Only this time I was prepared.  I committed to staying up with my bible study from back home in Dayton and am working my way through the scriptures of Daniel to see them lighting up themes that are very relevant to life today.

Tonight I was fueled by a Holy fire. It has been building up inside of me for weeks with prayer, gently reminding me day by day of His grace, until it hit me like a ton of bricks today that I am already FREE of the enslavement that I keep trying to lock myself back up in among this world. It is no mystery why people want to keep me down, because I’ve been designed to lead — and there is an enemy that knows when a child of God is doing what they were created to do, there is no stopping her — so watch out MA — you will see what good things my God can do through his people. I will always stand and fight, because the battle has been going on beside me, waiting for me to pick up my sword and shield.

*End September 2015 post*

It was by no stretch of the imagination an easy semester that year. I won’t go into detail here, but 2016, 2017, and the most recent Spring…held many joys, pains, and more challenges (I am sure none of that is over); however, my God keeps doing miraculous things for me in each year. I needed to be reminded of those miracles recently. I pushed through the face of fear by leaning into what I knew was good and true; holding it tight and close. It is what has always allowed me to persevere.

So here I sit, having been awake since 3:30 am, once again fueled by the Holy Spirit, exactly three years later. Knowing my journey here is where my God wants to keep me and excited for all that He continues to reveal to my spirit. Excited for all who He continues to place in my path that are allowing me to grow and learn and love with them.

This post is a holy reminder that the past has a very valuable place in our present and future. While I want to note that the past is never a place to attempt re-living with false conversations or actions you could have/should have done/said differently (that is an unhealthy trap), the past is crucial to look back in life in order to remember and learn how far we have come. To remind us that the race is not finished. It is no coincidence to me that today’s verse of the day is from The Word in Hebrews 12.  Reader, your story is not over yet. Fix your eyes on the “pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

My story has a new chapter, a new leg of the race that is just beginning, with clear reflection and so. much. grace.