Each morning for years, I wake up with a song on my lips. I have come to know it as the way The Holy Spirit speaks to me and leads me into worship and quiet time with God. Earlier last week the song was “Forever on Your Side” by NEEDTOBREATHE. The particular words that were on the tip of my tongue were these:

“Take my hand when you can’t see the light / Cause I’m forever on your side / I will carry you every time / Because I’m forever on your side”

As I reviewed 10+ drafts that I have been unable to finish yet, I landed on the oldest one in the batch. Instead of trashing it, I opened it to read and found that I had started this post in Fall of 2016. It was following multiple miracles in provision and fulfillment from God that I witnessed. The alignment of events that have taken place in my life since moving to New England in 2015 have been nothing short of miraculous. I was able to directly share some of these events Saturday night with two amazing new women that God has placed me in community with in the past several weeks.

As I read what I had written originally, I realized that even now, two years later, all of this is still true for me. I began this post two years ago, because I have often found myself in the position of being “the new girl.” From early-childhood through my now mid-thirties adult-life, adjusting to new places was a way of life. As a little girl, pre-teen, and teenager those new-girl adjustments formed a lot of my insecurities in addition to many of my better qualities at the same time.

Below are some of the original thoughts I wrote that ring so true to what I’ve written about recently. (I’ve added edits in a few places for clarity):

My lot in life every few years lately is again, the new girl. As I began my new adventure to the stoic New England environment full-time following summer camp in August 2015, I re-entered the world of academia as a thirty-something. I found myself at times transported back to every scenario in my childhood where the fear of being the new girl wreaked havoc among my thoughts. The intense vulnerability of experiencing the unknown as reality brings with it actual physical responses. That nervous build-up, my heart racing and my body flushing with heat and red blotches that are still a dead giveaway of what is happening inside me, no matter how collected I appear on the outside. When I was younger, it was as if I could sense every judgement, question, and thought brewing inside each stranger I saw. Of course, now, I have come to recognize that I am and have always been a highly empathic individual. “Feeling” and “sharing” the emotions of others in the room; what is said and unsaid; something I’ve had to learn to manage over the years. Today I find it to be a real asset in making friends as the new girl; however, emotions aside, there are very real struggles to being the new girl as an adult that did not exist in my youth.

Three years into living in New England, and finding a real community of believers to fellowship with has been difficult. The struggles I spoke of (but did not identify two years ago) with being the new girl are still struggles. However, it is the three year mark that I have learned and witnessed over time is when things really begin to gain momentum and change. God is reminding me of His favor for His children once again as I sense that change is on the horizon.

It is awe-inspiring to me how God reminds us of where we were in order to get us moving forward again within His will. “All these pieces fall in line, because I’m forever on your side.” (NEEDTOBREATHE)

What an example of the patience of God and His personal relationship with us offered through Jesus! The fact that He gently reminds us when we all too quickly forget His miracles in our own lives. The Israelite’s and people of God kept forgetting Him all throughout history; even those closest to Jesus would forget. The great I AM was walking directly with those who had chosen to trust, believe and follow; they witnessed miracle after miracle of Jesus literally healing body, mind, and spirit, yet, they too had a tendency to forget that Jesus was forever on their side.

Overcoming the intense vulnerability of being “new” or unknown can become quite depressing. I certainly understand why many never leave the comfort and confines of “home,” but for me, I trusted God had something for me that I just couldn’t see yet. The vision I had for living in New England was so clear, yet the day to day details have been hard. No matter how many tears I have cried. None of them are wasted.

I had struggled to really accept “membership” within a specific local church body for a number of reasons over the years, however, God’s timing is perfect and undeniable. Within the past month, I’ve been aligned with exactly everything I was looking for here in New England and more. And it is good. Because He is forever on my side, even with my tendancy to turn away.

Given the songs placed on my heart last week and recent answer to prayer for authentic church community after years of waiting, I know The Holy Spirit is comforting me after a slightly melancholy week. Sunday’s sermon at Vox Church in downtown Springfield confirmed that God has been refining and teaching me to never relent on depending on Him for my intimate comfort and peace.

He is still working within, around, and through our waiting.

We are here today for a purpose greater than we know. Remember when you cannot see the light, that Jesus is forever on your side.

Where have you seen that God is forever on your side? I would love to hear your story, and I want to encourage you to continue actively waiting for Him to show you more.