I have successfully started three blogs that have gone unfinished and sit in my draft folder waiting for me to add, then edit, add, then edit.  I believe I have determined the reason for this; Kentucky.  When I am here, there is so much surrounding me that is not positive, so whenever I begin to write, I cannot seem to stop dwelling on the past.  Plus, life is not really very motivating or inspirational right now, and I do not want to complain or whine as I know I am still very blessed all things considered.

It is not that Kentucky is not beautiful; it is.  I have been taught a lot of things the Lord has wanted me to learn (much slower than he probably hoped I would learn, but he is unconditionally gracious and merciful).  I know it would seem as though I regret my decision to return to Kentucky, but it is not regret.  When you know inside that you do not belong somewhere, it is not easy to stay.  I refuse to allow proximity to family and fear of the unknown keep me from going somewhere when I know it is time I begin following and completely trusting the Lord for a change.  I am happy to have time with friends and family again; however, it is just very hard in the mental sense to be back where I was before I left .  It was a detour that I threw in from the path I am supposed to be following.  I was worried about this, but a good friend from Texas reminded me that God honors committments and though I might not feel it right away, I will be blessed for honoring my committment to return when it really would have been easier to begin anew last year. 

I’ve been back hardly a month now and already I have flown off the handle.  Generally in privacy or while venting to friends, though that does not make it better or right, but the little things that were so easy to forget have returned so quickly to get under my skin!  The feelings of anger, contempt and pride inside just seem to boil over so quickly.  It is so frustrating!  I do not believe that anyone would consider me to be someone that is ‘quick to anger,’ but there are certain battles I have been fighting here for the last six years and the only thing that has changed with this cycle here is me.  I keep praying for God to give me the heart of a servant; to give me patience and peace, to change the hearts of those around me for the better, but I still get defensive and prideful at times.  I do not like myself when I wear these things; I do not like that I have not yet thrown them out.  I need to be reminded daily to put on “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” like Colossians 3:12-14 says; “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”  

Wow.  Even just seeking out this verse, letting Christ guide me to the message He knew I needed to hear most today, suddenly puts it all into perspective for me. 🙂  Not to take another detour with this blog, but recently I’ve been very convicted to say something about this.  Maybe in part because I have been feeling very spiritually attacked in the last few weeks from everyone around me, through some posts on facebook, the news, TV.  I have literally heard the same argument over and over again, and it sincerely bothers me.  People are so scared of “The Bible” and so quick to dismiss its Truth, but how can one read those words above from Colossians and not find hope in them?  How is it that every day someone can claim the Lord in one sentence while dismissing the validity of His Word (The Bible) in the next?  Yes, I know, it is because of the religious radicals out there who use His Word for condemnation and the spread of hate when God’s Word is actually about redemtion and hope.  However, there are those believers out there who claim belief in God, can feel God working in our lives, can see His miracles every day, yet deny His Word, which in fact, is the only way we were told He exists?  I just do not get it.  I suppose it should not be suprising to see that we live in a world of people that are in a constant state of cognitive dissonance.  I’m tired of hearing that empty argument, but the more I hear it, the more I want to change your mind; the more I will pray that you actually begin to study it and allow His Word to make changes in your heart like He is doing every day in mine.